then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
