So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
