Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
