"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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