Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
