he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
