my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
my liver is dry heaving
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