the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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