$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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