i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
