is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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