At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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