I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
