if we break up, who will get the dealer?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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