There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
