I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
