My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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