I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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