what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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