Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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