I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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