gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
