i think my tv is drunk
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
