Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
