Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
