You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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