he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
