Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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