no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
