Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
