They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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