Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
