I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
