There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
