I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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