They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
