the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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