naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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