There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
only if we run a train.
done.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
