It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My vagina is officially offended.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
