I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
