Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
