making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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