every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
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gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
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No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
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