maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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