Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
