Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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