Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
