you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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