? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
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just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
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When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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