I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
