The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
