You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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