pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
