i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
