Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
