I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
